Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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