you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
MIDGETS
????
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
