those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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