it hurts more in the daytime
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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