did you get engaged???
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
