Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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