Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
