So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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