I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
