This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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