Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
