Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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