Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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