can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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