you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
