Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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