i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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