Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
