It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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