If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
