Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
