Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
