I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
