Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
