Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
