He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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