Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
