It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
