I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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