never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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