i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Green mimosas i think yes
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
