What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
