wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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