No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
