i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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