I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
