I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
