just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
