Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
