It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
