I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
