I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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