I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
