her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This is the high leading the old right now
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
