I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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