dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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