my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
