cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
