Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
