that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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