It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
