I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
why do cheetos always look like penises
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
