I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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