he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
