that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
