so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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