I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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