A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
