Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
