Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
