I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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