if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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