Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
