Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
