A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
