he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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