He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
