if i can run in heels then i can drive
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
